Wednesday, 15 May 2013

I've been looking at Exodus 34v26 again and I think the original sin was
" Do not under cook a young goat " which is quite a sensible rule due to risk of food poisoning especially if it had been lying around in the unhygienic conditions of 500 BCE in hot near eastern summer.
Maybe a typo resulted in a change to 
" Do not udder cook a young goat " which some smart scribe interpreted as
" Do not milk cook a young goat ", since it would be utterly absurd to cook a goat in an udder
So I think i will deliberately put the lord god to the test by seeing if I can masterchef the perfect goat steak but god hasn't left me with much of a divine plan to go on since their original recipe failed to give the minimum time for boiling a goat in milk to eliminate risk of bad bacteria surviving to cause food poisoning. Even without the aid of a holy spirit guide I would recommend searing the goat steak in the red hot pan first of all with some onions, pour in milk , bring back to the boil then simmer for not less than 3 minutes and much nearer 30 minutes. I predict it will be a sin, how much stuff is burnt on the bottom of the pan, and it won't taste too great but won't kill you, which is the main thing.. [ difficult to give accurate time in Bible without hourglass or small increments on sundial, any anachronisms of time keeping devices in bible ? ]

It occurs to me that Genesis 22 Originally said:
Then Abraham thought God said : Take your kid and sacrifice it to me on the barbecue .
Abraham replied : Geez, that seems a bit weird 
God : Just do it, who are you to question my authority, show some faith
So Abraham took one of his two sons, Isaac, and was going to murder him
And then Abraham saw a chariot of angels with blue flashing lights and sirens
Gabriel : Stop, drop your weapon, what in the hell do you think you are doing ? 
Abraham: I was just following orders to sacrifice my kid like God ordered 
Gabriel : Are you out of your mind ? What sort of moral monster do you think God is ? He meant you to sacrifice a GOAT, a kid goat. God is caring and sane, he would never desire you to murder one of your children. Murder is a crime - cruel - a sin damn it.
Abraham : Darn, I knew i should have bought those fancy new digital hearing aids I saw advertised, but really 
God should have realized that my hearing wasn't too great
Gabriel : It's not just your hearing, you seem to be hard of thinking too, oh well I suppose it is only to be expected from species who evolved from apes.
Abraham: What's with the evolved from apes idea ? I thought life on earth was pretty much instantaneous over 7 days - like magic
Gabriel: What fork tongued critter told you that primitive mythology ? No, evolution is the way in which species can gradually change over the course of many generations because of the genetic variations in the species, the influence of things like climate and habitat & other predators can select for the variation best able to survive. The less fit ones die and the survivors multiply.
Abraham : Oh, I think I see, well maybe not ?

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