Sunday, 3 November 2013

The latest testament of Christ

THE LAST TESTAMENT OF CHRIST: In which John Loftus appears as the devil's advocate and makes Satan look like he was on L plates

Luke 4v2 And Jesus, full of the bullshit of the priests who wrote for him,  was led out into the desert where for 40 days he was tested by John L.
John L: Prove to us that you are not just mostly a fictional, literary creation.
Jesus: Prove that I am not fictional, if you get it wrong you will burn in hell for ever.
John L. If you have real contact with a cosmic God then tell us, does the Sun revolve round the Earth or the Earth orbit round the Sun
Jesus: I tell you the truth, red sky at night shepherds delight, therefore God exists
John L:  If you are the Son of God then carve on a flat sandstone block an exact representation of the far side of the moon.
Jesus:That is not fair, I am a carpenter not a stone mason, but in any case it probably looks similar to what you see 
John L:  Tell us if men will ever walk on the moon, will there be air there for them to breathe ? 
Jesus: I tell you the truth. 3 Men shall travel to the moon in the Apollo 11 spacecraft carried by a rocket called Saturn V. The rocket will look like a massive temple column with flames coming out the bottom. The 2 men who land on the moon will have a suit filled with oxygen from Earth 
John L: If you are a real supernatural entity and not just telling us things by the power of a 21st century speech writer then fly up to the moon right now and leave massive tablets of stone in the Sea of Tranquility with your name on so that the Apollo 11 men will find them and be sore amazed 
Jesus: John 20v29 Blessed are those who have not seen such things yet have believed
John 19, The death of Jesus
Now although it was usual to leave the bodies on the cross for vultures & carrion crows to peck at, the Roman soldiers had been so impressed by Jesus peaceful death that they made an exception and  took down the cross and found a claw hammer from somewhere to prize the nails out. " Phew " said one soldier, " I'm glad we don't usually bother with this, it is quite an effort to get these nails out."  But another said, " Wasn't it amazing how composed he was while on the cross, almost like he was detached from the experience. "
Then as they stood back from Jesus body they were sore alarmed to note how it seemed to age rapidly until almost at once it looked like that of an old man, bearing a resemblance to Eusebius or was it Clement of Alexandria ?

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