Wednesday, 27 November 2013

Parody on " What a friend we have in Jesus "

Parody on " What a friend we have in Jesus " 
[ arendientje youtube channel does a southern gospel version ]

What a friend we have in Loftus
All our Bible fears allayed
giving truths based on science & reason
to those who the church betrayed

Oh what peace we often forfeit
oh what needless worries we bare
for those who have not studied debunkingchristianity
and his books advertised there

Are you weak and heavy laden
with a load of christianity
why not do yourself a favour, 
jettison it's negativity
well maybe it has few good bits
but its mostly fictional crap
by studying the books of  John W. Loftus
You may stick a feather of reason in your cap
alternative [ adjust the balance of thinking under your cap ]

No. 74 Mark 15v34. "At the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice, "My God, why have you forsaken me?"
ReWrit v35 When some freethinkers in the crowd heard this, they said, "Maybe it is just that God has a vastly understaffed call centre, but you spent last night trying to get through at an off peak time so it seems more likely that it is because there is no God or supernatural realm"
And Jesus wept, "Do you mean I am going to die for nothing?"
The freethinkers replied,"Well to us it looks like it. There is no evidence that you have been in contact with a source of advanced knowledge. Let's face it, what sort of useful information have you ever received in your imagined chats with God? You claim God is your all knowing heavenly Father but it looks to have been a very dysfunctional relationship. There is no sign that God has shared much information with you. Perhaps you just immediately forget it or keep it to yourself ? However you also claimed you were One with the Father so where is your excuse for not knowing all He knows ?
We have a secret source of future knowledge and we can say with some certainty that your imagined God never even told you the facts of life on Earth e.g that the Earth is a sphere orbiting the Sun, that life on Earth started 4 billion years ago and evolved by natural selection, that micro organisms are a major cause if illness, that nutrient deficiency is another cause of poor health, or that one day man will walk on the moon, fly in the sky and dive to the deepest regions of the oceans. That in the latter five hundred years of the next two millennia there will be such advances in science and technology that if you witnessed it would make you think that either you were totally forsaken and left in the dark by your God or that you had been completely mistaken about such a God existing. We think you should have payed more attention to Pilate's words, 'What is truth ?' Maybe if you had considered an outsiders perspective on your ideas you would have reconsidered them ?
Then Jesus cried out," Forgive me I knew not what I was doing" and with that breathed his last.
And the freethinkers shook their heads sorrowfully over another wasted life. One sighed, pity he never had the chance to drive a quad bike on water"

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