Friday, 25 July 2014

A Parody on " Everything stops for tea " by Jack Buchanan

A parody on the original " Everything stops for tea ":

Every nation in creation has it's favourite drink
France is famous for its wine, its beer in Australia
Ethiopia has its coffee, they serve it blacker than ink
Russians go for vodka
America loves its chocolate

Oh I don't know why Christ Jesus never sailed the ocean blue
But I guess his apologists will say he simply never knew
That there were many people, over there as well
Or he might have sailed with his fishermen, while he calmed the swell

It was a very old Aztec custom associated with Quetzalcoatl so I'm told
To drink Mayan chocolate with a hint of chilli, allspice, honey or vanilla, served cold

You'll remember that the devil took Jesus up to a high place
to show him all the nations but Christ forgot, much to his disgrace
for it he'd told the Jews about America
they might have claimed it as their new promised land
instead they settled for a desert
and their castle turned to sand.

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A Parody on the song, " Wide wide as the ocean "

Wide wide as the ocean,
 small as the Galilean Sea
Why Jesus never crossed the Atlantic ocean
Sometimes puzzles me
If he could walk on water
And calm the storms as well
Why did he never sail to the Americas
to save them as well ?

15 hundred years later
Columbus took on the task
but why Jesus never mentioned America
Is what i'd like to ask ?
His fishermen would have done miracles greater, if they'd sailed the ocean blue
How come when Luke 4v6 says the devil showed him all nations, that he never knew ?

Thursday, 24 July 2014

WAS JESUS NOT PAYING ATTENTION WHEN THE DEVIL SHOWED HIM ALL NATIONS ?

What was Jesus' excuse for not knowing of the continent of America ? Luke 4v5 says the devil tried to help Jesus out by taking him up to a high place to show him all the kingdoms of the world in an instant. Ed Lu at NASA earth observatory website says that 240 miles up in the ISS you can only see a 2000 mile section of Earth at any one moment. Phil Plait of Bad Astronomy reckons you'd need to be 1 million kilometers out in space to see half the Earth's surface at any one moment , ( that is twice the distance to the moon ) - thereby possibly seeing Europe, Africa, N&S America ? Maybe Jesus had his eyes closed in prayer at that moment or maybe because he was scared of heights, or trying to see no evil, or just not paying attention ? If Jesus had known of America he could have instructed his disciples to sail to the nations on the other side of the planet but then he would have to have known the Earth to be a sphere, a fact that he wouldn't have gathered from the Bible. The authors of the gospels weren't able to put ideas into the head of God or Satan that weren't already common knowledge in society, this makes God & Satan look ignorant by today's standards.
On the other hand maybe the devil took Jesus up to 240 miles above Earth and tricked Jesus by saying, " Look below, that is all the nations on Earth " while all along knowing that it was only a fraction of the nations. Thus it came to pass that Jesus didn't know of the Americas. However why didn't God shout down to Jesus while he prayed in the garden of Gethsemane to correct the error. I imagine God might have said, " By the way Son, the devil lied to you when he said that was all the nations so it is just as well that you didn't settle for that deal he offered as you would have been short changed. Also who gave the devil the authority & splendour of the nations, cause I never and what does it even mean to be given the splendour anyway- its nonsense "
But then why does the Bible say that the devil showed Jesus all the nations. when to be true to this idea it would need to say, ' the devil said, " Look there are all the nations " '
Youtube video; " World's First HDTV image of, ' Earth-Rise ' Over The Moon ' on A S N channel suggests 380,000km is far enough away to see getting on for half the Earth in an instant. Maybe if Jesus and Satan were on the moon they would struggle to see the outline of the continents, depends on their vision I guess. Or maybe Jesus was just unlucky & the sun was only lighting half of the half Earth ?https://www.youtube.com/watch?...

Sunday, 20 July 2014

Jesus the carpenter never built a ship for his sailor disciples to take gospel to Americas

Imagine if Jesus the carpenter had spent his working life building a carrick ship and then on his resurrection had told his sailor fishermen disciples to meet him at Akko/ Acre, Haifa, Israel, on the shores of the Mediterranean & they had sailed together out into the Atlantic with Jesus calming all the storms, turning salt water into wine & finally arriving in the South Americas a week later, spending a further couple of years sailing round the rest of the Americas spreading the gospel before heading off for Australia with the urgent message. Thus giving the impression of: Thy kingdom come double quick.

. Maybe Jesus could have just used the disciples fishing boat to sail the Atlantic ? With Jesus in the boat you can smile at the storm ? Instead we have a Jesus who is content to leave it for another 1500 years until the gospel gets taken to the Americas. He was hardly using his talents to their full extent ?
What we get is a Jesus Son of God who spends his carpenter life supposedly making common tables and chairs which no one even thinks to preserve for posterity after his couple years of fame as a travelling healer & risen Christ. You would think people could have made a fortune with the line," Sit where Jesus sat "
To avoid premature awkward questions & cries of derision about why he was building  a large ocean going ship, Jesus could have spent his life at least planning the ship and gathering the wood to store it ready for his resurrection when he could have overseen the construction and cry, " God speed to the new world ". Bit like a Prince Caspian in " The voyage of the Dawn Treader " story.
It is also odd that in the Book of Mormon, if God had the ability to tell Nephi how to build a ship to cross the Atlantic in 600 BC then why did God not tell Christians in the first century CE how to build another ship to take the urgent message of the gospel to all nations. Maybe because it wasn't urgent ? Or was it because God really does think that a thousand years are like a day, so he thought well another 1500 years will just be a like a day and a half so why go to all that effort of yet another miracle just to save several million Americans from hell when I can just let human history run its course. After all another several million in hell will be neither here nor there when you look at the 97% of all those who ever lived who will be there with them anyway.
Maybe the book of Mormon missed a trick by not having Nephi or God predict what sorts of food plants and animals would be found in the Promised Land of America, before leaving Israel.
The story of Noah's flood is just too vague but how come no attempt to describe animals from America or Australia, would have thought a duck billed platypus could have been described as a cross between a duck and a beaver.

Thursday, 17 July 2014

Why didn't Jesus visit the Americas before heading out into the Milky Way ?

If you imagined that Jesus had the ability to fly up in the sky like Acts 1v9 claims then isn't it odd that Jesus never landed in the Americas back in 33AD but instead left if for another 1500 years ish until the Europeans discovered the Americas and brought their Biblical nonsense with them. Jesus could have arranged for the drawing of plenty of Nazca lines showing cross symbols or the usual pictures which show the chosen ones crossing the cross bridge while the rest fry. For that matter why didn't Jesus visit Australia if he wanted his message to reach all nations ( Matt 28v19). He certainly wasn't in any hurry for everyone to know. ReWrit John 3v16. " For God so loved the world that instead of getting Jesus to stop off in the Americas to tell them the gospel of salvation he just left many generations to fry "

ReWrit Matt 24v36 " No-one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father. As it was in the days of Noah, so it will be at the coming of the Son of Man. And if there was no global Noah's flood then you can be fairly sure I won't be back either. But in any case if I'm not back in under 2000 years then give up, in that case you can be fairly sure I was mistaken about this and you won't be seeing me again. "

Parody on Rick Found's, " Lord I lift your name on high "

Lord, i'd like to question why
You never went on a world tour
So that everyone would know
How to interpret the way to go.

You came from heaven to Earth to show the way ?
but left the Americas for some other day ?
1500 years to be more exact
Until Europeans handed them a tract
A sense of urgency it seems you lacked !

Jesus there's a question I'd like to ask
why you didn't perform a simple task;
You never flew over to the U.S.A
But left your message for some other day ?

You came from heaven to Earth to show the way ?
maybe you asked for another cup: chocolate
Father said No: Tooth decay ?
If you suffered all that pain, was their really any gain ?
We've got reasons to complain

You came from heaven to Earth to show the way ?
But didn't even know to pray for milky tray
Father put chocolate on another continent
Out of sight out of mind
Christ, wasn't that unkind ?

You flew to heaven from Earth across the milky way ?
But didn't stop off in the Americas for a single day ?
You let them rot for 1500 years, 
now 2000 in the milky way
You should stop and ask the way.

Cariociones Youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dlL5or7I3q8

Parody on " 500 miles " by the Pretenders

My Parody of ' 500 miles '  wondering why Jesus never did a world tour:

When I'm incarnate, I know I'm not gonna be
I'm not gonna be the man who takes the gospel to all nations
When I go out, yeah I know I'm not gonna be
I'm not gonna be the man who walks over to you

When I ascend, I know I'm not gonna be
I'm not going to be the man who flies the gospel to America
when I ascend, I know  I'm not gonna be
I'm not gonna be the man who takes the gospel to Australia

Cause I won't walk 6000 miles
And I won't walk 10,000 more
to be the saviour who walks 25,000 miles
to drop my message through your door

Though I could calm the ocean storms
and walk upon the waters blue
I'm not gonna be the Son of God 
who uses his talents to bring the gospel there for you

When I go home, I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who leaves without telling you
And though 1500 years pass or 1800 for Australia
Still I'm not gonna even tell my disciples about you

Cause I won't walk 6000 miles
And I won't walk 10,000 more
to be the saviour who walks 25,000 miles
to drop my message through your door

and when you try them, when you try these miracles for yourself
you'll find they dinnae work, you'll find they dinnae work for you
Cause they are fiction, yes the Bible stories are mostly fiction
They are fairy tales made up to deceive you

Tuesday, 21 January 2014

Kicking Bear says, " By faith, Your shirts shall be bullet proof "

P 241 of " The amazing colossal apostle " R.M. Price mentions the massacre of Wounded Knee
Wikipedia says:
In the years prior to the massacre, the U.S. Government had continued to seize the Lakota's lands. The once large bison herds (an indigenous peoples' Great Plains staple) had been hunted to near-extinction by European settlers. Treaty promises to protect reservation lands from encroachment by settlers and gold miners were not implemented as dictated by treaty. As a result, there was unrest on the reservations. It was during this time that news spread among the reservations of a Paiute prophet named Wovoka, founder of the Ghost Dance religion. He had a vision that the Christian Messiah, Jesus Christ, had returned to earth in the form of a Native American.
The Messiah would raise all the Native American believers above the earth. During this time the white man would disappear from Native lands, the buffalo herds and all the other animals would return in abundance, and the ghosts of their ancestors would return to earth — hence the word "Ghost" in "Ghost Dance." They would then return to earth to live in peace. All this would be brought about by performance of the "Ghost Dance."Lakota ambassadors to Wovoka, Kicking Bear and Short Bull taught the Lakota that while performing the Ghost Dance, they would wear special Ghost Dance shirts as seen by Black Elk in a vision. Kicking Bear said the shirts had the power to repel bullets.
Everyone thinks God is on their side to wipe out the other tribes
Blessed are they of little faith for they might see reason
( reason might not settle who gets the land rights either though ? )

Tuesday, 14 January 2014

The day the earth stood still, 1951 film and 2008 remake

Just found a film from 1951 that had parallels to Christ that were partly censored:
" The day the Earth stood still "
Wikipedia says:
In a 1995 interview, producer Julian Blaustein explained that Joseph Breen, the film censor installed by the Motion Picture Association of America at the Twentieth Century Fox studios, balked at the portrayal of Klaatu's resurrection and limitless power.[3] At the behest of the MPAA, a line was inserted into the film; when Helen asks Klaatu whether Gort has unlimited power over life and death, Klaatu explains that he has only been revived temporarily and "that power is reserved to the Almighty Spirit."[3][5] Of the elements that he added to Klaatu's character, screenwriter Edmund North said, "It was my private little joke. I never discussed this angle with Blaustein or Wise because I didn't want it expressed. I had originally hoped that the Christ comparison would be subliminal."[6] The fact that the question even came up in an interview is proof enough that such comparisons did not remain subliminal, but they are subtle enough that it is not immediately obvious to all viewers which elements were intended to compare Klaatu to Christ.[7][8] For example, when Klaatu escapes from the hospital, he steals the clothing of a "Maj. Carpenter," carpentry being the profession Jesus learned from his father Joseph. At the end, he rises from the dead and ascends into the sky. Other similarities include his apprehension at night, being a friend to children, having wisdom and knowledge far beyond any human being, and the people wanting a sign.
The 2008 remake has more biblical themes.
Klaatu is perplexed by this, but continues to proceed toward eliminating the human species infecting the planet. He orders smaller spheres—hidden on Earth—to begin taking animal species off the planet. Helen drives Klaatu to a forest near a pond. She witnesses Klaatu summoning a sphere that collects various species (evoking Noah's Ark) as Klaatu walks on water. Around the planet, the spheres collect other life forms. Helen quizzes Klaatu about his statement that he has come to save the Earth and discovers that he thinks the only way to save the planet is to exterminate humans. She begs him to realize that humans can change. A police officer driving by the pond notices strange activity. He sees Klaatu and recognizes him as the wanted man. Drawing his gun he confronts Klaatu, who defends himself by using telekinesis to move Helen's car to run the officer over, killing him. But Klaatu then revives the officer by applying some of the placenta and then laying hands on his head, Lazarus-like, and raises the officer from the dead.
Hoping to appeal to Klaatu to change his mind about humanity and save it instead, Helen takes him to the home of Nobel Prize-winning Professor Barnhardt (John Cleese), where they discuss how Klaatu's own race went through a drastic evolution to survive their own star's demise.
In meantime, the robot, named "GORT" (Genetically Organized Robotic Technology) by the United States government, is subjected to experiments in an underground facility in Virginia. Trying in vain to drill into the robot, the drill bit inadvertently releases Gort's genetic material which produces winged insect-like entities. Eventually the robot's form dissolves into a swarm of these "insects". The self-replicating miniature robots begin erasing all humans and every human-made item in their path. However, it does not destroy grass, trees or non-human organisms. Apparently if unstopped the swarm will erase all vestiges of the human race, leaving the planet in its natural state. The swarm is heading to Manhattan, where the major sphere is located.
[ ps If aliens really wanted to help this planet they could do so by giving us the technology to make a difference eg large scale electricity storage systems, a plastic replacement that is totally biodegradable to leave only non toxic remains, a way of manufacturing phosphate and potash from scratch, or just take most folk off this planet and ship us to virgin Earths in other solar systems. ]

Why didn't Klaatu just speak to all the world leaders on their laptops or smartphones while hovering in the globe spacecraft  at satellite distance - better than getting dead ended with Regina Jackson, secretary of defense ? At 1:08 on the DVD Klaatu is made to say, " Technology is not the answer " but I think technology is the answer. Smart aliens would have the technology to enable humans to manage the ecosystem in a sustainable way. Aliens could have given us materials  which were fully biodegradable to non toxic chemical. They could also have given us ways of generating electrity that would last thousands of years without causing any harm to the environment. They could have shown how to safely treble crop yields so that more are could be used as wildlife habitat. They could have shown how to make tropical rain forest produce so many useful things that the rain forest were worth more intact than converted to pasture for beef cattle etc
At least Barnhardt shows more interest in understanding Klaatu than just trying to fight with him

Maybe Klaatu could have been made to say to Barnhardt, " I will download all the information you need onto you computer " Well Klaatu could have send emails to the top scientists and engineers , secretly - without causing a world wide panic. What happened to Mr Wu ? Why hadn't he at least invented a large scale electricity storage system so that electricity from solar panels could be stored for use at night or winter ? Odd how the aliens and gods that people write about are no more " On the ball " than the average person on the street ? Well I suppose it wouldn't make for thrilling  melodrama if aliens just came along and solved all our problems in a quiet, civilized way

In the original 1951 film " The day the Earth stood still " . At 40min on DVD, Klaatu asks Prof Barnhardt, " You have faith ? ( In me ) " Barnhardt replies with the winning line, " It isn't faith that makes good science, it's curiosity " Sadly this line was missed from the 2008 remake in which, at 1hr08, on DVD Klaatu is made to speak as stupidly as God, " Technology is not the answer " Maybe vast leaps forward in our technology could make long term sustainable life on Earth possible, as well as colonizing other exoplanets ?
At first I thought it was dumb to have Klaatu act as stupidly as Biblegod, wouldn't aliens who could make it to Earth need to have been so much more intelligent ? However now I think it was smart to make Klaatu say stupid things if he was supposed to be the parallel of Jesus, it maybe excuses the viewer to contest & challenge and realize there were better ways to think ( without fear of going against their religious beliefs )
Also interesting in the 2008 remake that at the start of film they have a glowing sphere ice ball which could be a parallel to burning bush and Moses, except it didn't speak.
Are the 1951 & 2008 versions like different gospels where each playwright was wanting to tell slightly different stories - to draw out different points.


Sunday, 12 January 2014

THE AMAZING COLOSSAL APOSTLE by Robert M. Price

I'm reading " The amazing colossal apostle: the search for the historical Paul " by Robert M. Price. He mentions that the title is after " The amazing colossal man " film of 1957. When watching this film on Youtube I came across that his, " The incredible shrinking Son of Man " is after " The incredible shrinking man " film also of 1957. " The incredible melting man " film of 1977 was a further development in that line of thought. Some of the scenes in the amazing colossal man eg where the 60 foot tall man picks up his girl friend in his hand are a bit like King Kong film of 1933. At the end of " The amazing colossal man " he is shot by the army and falls off Boulder dam, presumed dead. However he makes a miraculous come back when the producers realize they need to resurrect him to try to make some money from " War of the Colossal Beast " in 1958