OH GOD OF GREAT THINGS, LET ME PROCLAIM YOUR ACTS.
Oh greatly incompetent God. I give thanks that there is none like you. Truly it would be an act of the most stupendous incompetence to allow a hell to come into existence and then lose most of the human race into it. To only manage to partly remedy the situation would be hard to exceed. To fail to completely undo the damage would earn you the crown of incompetence. Hail, for you would be the greatest in this respect if it was true.
Oh king of ignorance, dim wittedness & paralysis of mind, we acknowledge that we have been made in your image by ministers who have taught us. We are witnesses to your character
Oh God of infinite brutality & cruelty, if the stories the Bible authors tell about you are true. We bow in
horror before your almighty barbarity. Forgive us that though we would offer unquestioning loyalty and allegiance & service to you [ in theory ] yet our desire to stay out of prison and to live a decent life forbids that we act out what Bible authors indicate you would authorize.
Oh God who in the beginning created a circle and then said, " Oh fizzing fury & rage, I meant to create a square, how on Earth am I ever going to bring about a decent quality of life for the human animal in a
biological system where they are little better off than the sparrow and most of their offspring must end up as prey if their numbers are not to exceed the ability of their habitat to sustain them. Shit and damn that I spent an eternity in the planning but still managed to overlook some fairly basic design flaws "
Oh God of unlimited contradictions, who is simultaneously good and evil or otherwise mysterious if ministers are to be believed. Help us just to accept that you are beyond sense or understanding.
Oh God who is the source of all flaws, you are the potter and we the potty, we recognize the bullshit you deposit in us. We pray that it might be put to good use in fertilizing new growth.
Lord God, we are not worthy of you and so must decline your presence in our lives
For God's sake amen.