Saturday, 19 November 2011

The great Herod scam.

Matt 2v2-12. Magi: "Where is the one who has been born king of the Jews?" Herod the Great:"I have no new baby sons, What can you be thinking of? Wait! A thought has just been placed in my head, could this be The Christ? Advisors, do you know anything of The Christ?" Advisors: "Would that be Jesus Christ of Nazareth who was crucified under the rule of your son Herod Antipas, 34 years after you died?" Herod: "Yes, that very one",
 Advisors:" Follow the road to Bethlehem, there you will find him, just round the bend, at '3 Christ was born here St.' in the stable of 'Time for a quickie? Inn'. Herod to Magi;"Did you hear that? Now when you find Christ, return at once & tell me where he is, that I may do something that vaguely fits with a random verse of Septuagint".So off they set, fortunately there were cats eyes to follow as the star mentioned on the plans was bust & they'd also forgotten to note which constellation it was in.
When they arrived at the Inn they asked "Where is Jesus the miracle worker?" Innkeeper:" Sorry, you missed him, they had an appointment to fit in a random verse about Egypt", Magi: "Oh grief, I hope history will be kind to us" Innkeeper, "Yes slip me some prutah & I'll see that you get a glowing write up anyhow, but how you can call yourself wise or even astrologer , let alone astronomers & not mention which constellation the star was in is a mystery, you seem more like Roaming priests"

The people who made up  Matt ch 2v9 forgot that following a real star would lead the Magi  in a spiral path due to Earth turning [maybe that is why they gave up & asked the nearest King], but then they thought Earth was flat & stationary. They thought it was possible for a star to stay stationary but for that the planet would need to stop. Bethlehem is 6 miles south of Jerusalem. Why would they need a star to lead them there? Actually Matt 2v2 just says ' They saw his star in the east '  . Why would they think that a star in the sky signified a Jewish king being born ? V2 doesn't say they followed it to Israel, they just went to the captial because they thought that is where they would find a baby king. How come no one else in the world noticed the star? How come Herod & co didn't go outside and try to see the star or ask the Magi to point it out?
 For a star to hover over a specific house it would need to have been in geostationary orbit round earth and very low. But more probably it needed to be a helicopter or angel but easiest to be fiction.

November 16, 2011 - 05:22 PM That will be shining right

We three kings of orient are,
Travelling in spirals as we follow a star,
Why have we been led to Herod's home?
That seems to us rather dim
Oh star of wonder, star of night,
Is anything in the Bible right?
Read the book of Ken Humphreys
And you will become, far more bright

Also follow the wise words of astronomer Victor J. Stenger, to see the light.

Matt 2v2 If the Magi came from Persia they would have needed a star in the west (not east,just wait til dawn?) for it to guide them to Jerusalem. Maybe the Magi were from Rome & looked toward Israel in evening & saw Jupiter in the east hanging over Jerusalem?
The star had been so vague that they gave up & asked the nearest king for directions.Oddly Herod told them where to find Christ, then asked them to return to tell him were Christ was. Then the star became lazer guided and swung from low in the west to low in the south to lead them 6 miles south down the road to Bethlehem. So was it an angel or a satellite sucked back in time from 2011 or a bright idea? If an angel, then why did they say it rose? Were Magi in the habit of travelling at night?

October 21, 2011 - 05:10 PM Fractured Images

The nearly last cross words of Christ : My God, My God why have you forsaken me ?
Roman soldier: Look mate, I’ve just been reading this antique scroll by Plato & it would appear that the Greeks just made up the whole idea of Hades. They were just playing around with some notions, trying to imagine what could be the worst that could happen to you after you died & they thought - well eternal torture. So cheer up, Hades probably never existed
Jesus: God Almighty, what have I done? I need a drink!
Jesus to people: Forgive me, I didn’t know what I was saying.
People: Don’t worry, we didn’t really believe you anyway, we thought you had a screw loose.
God, shouting down from sky: You Nazi minded man, fancy telling people I’d put anyone in an eternal concentration camp, I‘m not Hitler. There is nothing to worry about, you’ll cease to exist any minute now. [ actually this didn’t really happen, I just inserted it to make the story more believable, of course God is really just imaginary ]
Jesus: I’m finished

October 21, 2011 - 03:35 PM Christmocker Columbus

I've embarked on a voyage, upon the seven seas
To cross the far horizon, that many call hades.
Some say to travel there is madness, I'll fall into a pit
But I'm really quite enjoying this, I'll travel on a bit
The black clouds are behind me, back there was so dark
I'm basking in the sunshine, travelling in my Neshmet barque
The Maat it is by me, being careful enough is the way [ maybe more smart, clever, brave ]
I've recited spell 99: JNE, gods spell broken, I see the light of day
I've read the book of the dead & reversed the 'living' Bible
Investigating all the pros & cons, not bowing to an idle
I've set sail for nowhere but am finding a promising land
Like Cpt Jack Sparrow, sword of truth in hand, to slay the squid monster, that's what's planned

October 21, 2011 - 04:15 PM Dragons Den Dragon:Zeus

  I've studied the frankly appalling plans of Theos and Allah to throw the ones they've turned down into Hades, to roll balls up hills for ever more, and I've decided, that is just unacceptable.To be honest, they alone are worthy of hades. They have no imagination.
I can see the potential in these entrepreneurs. They have real get up and go and refuse to be cowed by the threats of doom dished out by primates. I've stepped in & done a deal, bought Hades off Theos & Allah for a pittance, and I'm going to turn it into an upmarket underworld nightclub of hedonistic delights. No more weeping & gnashing, it's going to be fun fun fun. Hades is going to be the new seventh heaven . No Titans just Tits. The new wine is on me.

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