The death of Jesus in the manner of the Black knight from Monty Python

ReWrit John 19v32
The death of Jesus,
 in the manner of the Black knight from Monty Python's, " Holy Grail "
Because the Jews wanted the men on the crosses to be dead before the Sabbath they asked Pilate to hurry it up a bit. So Pilate gave the nod to the soldiers and one went with a bardiche and mocked  Jesus, " You saved others, save yourself "
" None shall pass the bridge to life unless they pass by me ", said Jesus
And the soldier chopped off  Jesus right leg.
" Oh, that was rather sore, but only a flesh wound " said Jesus, very reservedly, " that was below the belt but I forgive you "
Then another soldier struck off Jesus left leg with a halberd.
 " How excruciatingly painful " exclaimed Jesus politely as he hung from only his arms and found it a wee bit more difficult to breathe
Then another soldier struck off Jesus head with a pollaxe and it fell to the ground
 " How awfully painful ", shrieked Jesus, " but I am invincible, I will pray for you, have you no conscience ? "
" I thought cutting your head off would put you out of your misery " said the soldier apologetically, " I am sore amazed that you are still alive, truly you are a son of God "
And Jesus replied, very serenely, " You know not what you do. Just wait, for in nearly 2.25 days time you will see me all joined back together in my resurrection body before I disappear back to the 7th dimensional universe to be with the living  God "
And all who listened thought, either we are hallucinating or this is evidence of a supernatural realm, for talking heads are outwith our usual experience of life.