WHOLLY FICTION OR JUST PARTY FOOD ?

If people were to go through the Bible and look up each of the words in a decent encyclopedia or even just wikipedia then that would expand their knowledge & I think they should soon see that the Bible is mostly fairytales with only a few specks of reality. But what of Biblegod's ignorance of the existence of the New World & Australia; a glaring omission? No priest or Imam prophesied it. Only Joseph Smith wrote it into his scriptures after the event.

If Jesus had told his disciples about the New World in his Old Word book then the Old World might have discovered the New World foods 1500 years sooner and enjoyed foods native to the Americas such as: sweetcorn - corn flour custard - popcorn, avocado, potatoes, tomatoes, sweet & chili peppers, pumpkin, courgette, vanilla orchid pods, peanuts, pineapple, green beans, coca-cola, modern large strawberries come from Fragaria virginiana from eastern North America and Fragaria chiloensis, which was brought from Chile , not forgetting the turkey. ( Maybe Jesus was afraid that people would discover tobacco and become addicted so kept the whole Americas thing secret but then why, after they already had got hold of tobacco, did he never tell anyone about the risk of cancer from inhaling the tobacco smoke ? Should he be sued for negligence ?)

Science & reason can allow people to see the funny side of religion. It is a delicious irony that chocolate eggs are such a prominent feature of Easter because Jesus did nothing to help find the Easter eggs, he kept it a secret and offered Peter snakes instead: Acts 10v12.
Hey just imagine that the Book of Mormon story about Jesus flying over to America after his ascension  was real, then you would have Jesus enjoying the  Mayan chocolates while offering his friend Peter snakes . Maybe Peter should have replied to the visionary voice, " Get behind me Satan " ?
In fact Jesus silence about the existence of the Americas may have been interpreted as saying that there was no major new information to tell about the continents of Earth. It looks like he did not use his talents to their full. The rolling of Easter eggs could symbolize the rolling away of the myths of relegion & of the individual leaving Plato /Freud's cave / tomb.

Atheism is the appliance of science which enables us to pull the Easter bunny out of the hat.

With 21st century knowledge, all things can work for good for those who love truth. Thanksgiving, Christmas & Easter foods can be a celebration that science, reason and scripture scholarship have been the tools to help us work out, beyond reasonable doubt, that Christianity is largely based on myth and that the Bible is more akin to novels like the historical fictions of Sir Walter Scott or play by William Shakespeare. Not totally false but not nearly all true.

When I tuck into turkey I think, " Jesus is stuffed ".
When I eat pumpkin pie with maple syrup I think, " Jesus coach and horses has turned back into a pumpkin, four mice, a rat and a lizard." [ you can decide for yourself which member of the clergy is the mouse, rat and lizard ]
When I eat potato crisps I think " Man can not live on bread alone so why didn't Jesus tell us about potatoes ?"
And when I raise a glass of coca cola I might say " No thanks to the abrahamic gods, they never revealed the Americas to any of their followers "
America the land of the free, or freedom from religion, if people were aware of their roots.

Old Testament God implied that the world was flat, people were afraid of falling off the edge of the ocean. Levi ti cuss 11v22 offers people locusts when it could have told them about tomatoes & peanuts.
Luke 4v5 has the devil show Jesus all the kingdoms of the world but Jesus keeps the existence of America secret from everyone.
Acts 10v12 Could have fisherman Peter see a vision of a table cloth with New World foods spread on it and a voice commanding him to sail over the pond with the gospel and receive chocolate etc as his reward. Instead Peter is offered reptiles. ' [ note that Matt 7v10 says who would give their son a snake when they asked for chocolate ]
No religious leader predicted the existence of the Americas or Australia before Christopher Columbus bumped into the Americas and even he thought he'd found far side of the far east.

Real history shows the scriptures to be mostly made up, invented history, a warped history of the world. Science turns the scriptures into a joke book. Higher criticism has the tools to solve the Bible puzzle, but even a child could use a rule of thumb and decide the minister is just making stuff up.

Put the old & the new together. Compare the Old World with the New World
Compare the Old Bible superstitions with New 21st Century clearer more realistic knowledge.
Add the sugar cane, native to India to the cocoa from America to make chocolate
Add the coca leaves to the Kola nut from Africa along with sugar cane to make coca-cola

THE DELICIOUS IRONY OF CHOCOLATE EASTER EGGS.

                 I think it is a delicious irony that chocolate eggs are such a prominent feature of Easter because Jesus did nothing to help the Old World discover the food crops native to the New World. In fact the absence of any mention of the Americas from Jesus could have been interpreted as saying that there was nothing else of worth to be known about the geography of the world. Luke 4v5 says that the devil showed Jesus all the kingdoms of the world. So why did Jesus not pass on this joyous news ?

     Perhaps rolling the chocolate Easter egg can symbolize rolling away religious myth ?

     Perhaps the Easter bunny can symbolize pulling the rabbit out of the hat ?

             Realizing that Jesus was content for the Americas to remain ignorant of his gospel for a further 1500 years and also to let the Old World suffer without the New World foods for the same time can cast doubt on his claims of love & truth and treating others as you would want them to treat you. What Jesus? Would you not have enjoyed chocolate, peanuts, potatoes, tomatoes, avocado, squash, pumpkin, maple syrup, sweet corn / pop corn / custard powder, sweet & chilli peppers, vanilla ? Was Jesus afraid that folk from the Old World would get addicted to tobacco or cocaine  or get to drinking too much coca cola ?

    So one of the best evidences against the existence of Jesus is chocolate
  Why was it, "Give us this day our daily bread " rather than " Give us this day our daily chocolate ?"
Why did the Holy Spirit who was supposed to lead folk into all truth not reveal America ( John 16v13)

  Atheism is the appliance of science. Science turns the Bible into funny fiction or rather shows which points in the Bible stories are not real. Google each of the words and ideas mentioned in the Bible, look them up on a good encyclopedia or wikipedia then you will be lead into all truths known so far.

" Christianity is no real "  The New Testament has many verses which mention virtues such as truth, love, honesty, justice, mercy but i think that Jesus had his wires crossed on many points. So much so that Christianity became a run away train. However changing the set of points back again might bring the train to roll safely into the station. The Bible has failed in the detail by linking love to actions and ideas which are not loving, linking Truth to stories which are not true. Or rather the stories are a mixture of true and false, good and evil, light and dark, civilized and barbaric, sane and insane, real and fantasy.
   I used to think that God / Jesus was not all there but now I wonder if he isn't there at all
   I used to think that there was something not quite right about the Bible but now I wonder if there is anything much right about it at all.
    Pass me another hot cross bun, that just about symbolizes it.

JESUS 'N' MO HID THE CHOCOLATES FROM YO

Jesus 'n' Mo hid the chocolates from yo

"Who of you would give your son a snake when he asked for fish ?" - God - Matt 7v10 Vs Acts 10v12

THE DARK CHOCOLATELESS AGES

Going for the messages.

Acts 10v9-17 has a story about Peter's vision in which the O.T. taboos on eating certain animals are negated. Well pork might be a welcome addition to the diet but as for the reptiles/snake - who is "god" kidding. I'd rather be vegetarian. However when you think of all the delicious New World foods that could have been shown in the vision it makes god's behaviour look quite dastardly.
"god" could have shown Peter; chocolate, potato chips & tomato sauce, Pumpkin pie & maple syrup, popcorn etc and told him, " Go, sail over the pond with the gospel and I will give you these treats as a reward "

   Neither the Bible or Koran has any knowledge of the New World or its foods. Religion is unable to generate new information about reality but warps ideas already common in the cultural milieu into its scriptures. Religious scriptures demonstrate creativity unbounded by reality - fantasies- but that creativity is very much constrained by preceding dogmas.

Acts 10v9- " Peter fell into a trance. He saw heaven opened and something like a large sheet being let down to earth by it's four corners. It contained all kinds of four-footed animals, as well as reptiles of the earth and birds of the air " Then a voice told him, " Get up, Peter, Kill and eat "

Rewrit: And Peter replied, " Well there was never any sound health & safety reason to put a taboo on eating pork ( that was a taboo adopted from the ancient Egyptian superstitions ) as long as the pork was  within its sell by date, well cooked, had been butchered in hygienic conditions & not suffering from disease but as for the other animals; you can go to hell if you expect me to eat snakes, lizards, spiders, badger, hedgehog, wolf, rat etc and it would be better for bio-diversity to leave most of the species of birds capable of sustained flight alone. You don't want the people of Malta getting into bad habits of shooting the swifts, warblers & turtle doves. Aren't there some better things in the world to eat that we haven't discovered yet ? In any case I'm quite disappointed that you haven't lifted the Lev 11v9 taboo on lobster, crab,  fur seals and whales (though I expect over fishing of these could be a problem in the distant future ) After all won't Matt 7v10 be written in a few decades time, " Which of you, if his son asks for a fish will give him a snake ? If you then know how to give good gifts to your children, does that mean that god's behaviour is worse than yours if he gives you snake ? And what if he gave you locusts instead of chocolate ?" "

Note Acts 11v6 has Peter add wild beasts to the list of things he saw on the sheet despite having been shown it three times ( Acts 10v16 ) The disciples didn't score highly on observation, or IQ for that matter.

Why did Jesus not sail across the Atlantic to the Americas ?

       The gospel stories claim that Jesus was able to calm the storms on the sea of Galilee and to walk on water, so why did Jesus not sail across the Atlantic in his little fishing boat ? If Jesus had done this then the Americas would have got the Bible stories 15 hundred years sooner. If Jesus wasn't able to fit the trip into his diary then he might at least have told his disciple that the world was a sphere like an apple or orange and that they would need to sail all the way round the Earth so that the gospel would  be shared round everyone as soon as possible. It looks to me like Jesus did not use his talents to their best effect, it also looks like God was in no hurry for everyone to hear the gospel. If the great  commission Jesus gave  his disciples had been; to sail round the world, then the Old World might have learned of the New world 15 hundred years sooner and also had the pleasure of eating foods from the New World sooner, food such as chocolate, tomatoes, potatoes, sweetcorn, pumpkin and peppers are from the Americas. So was it a bit of a sin not to tell the Old world about the New world ? Was Jesus perhaps failing to live up to the golden rule  of treating others as you would have them treat you. Jesus never treated the old world to chocolate, that isn't very generous or friendly. Now some will try to defend Jesus by asking how he could possibly known of the New world when it was not discovered until 1492 when Christopher Columbus sailed there. However the gospels have stories which claim that god was able to shout down from the sky, things like " this is my son with him I am well pleased " so how is it that god wasn't able to shout down,  " By the way the Earth is a sphere shape - like an apple or orange. In any case Luke 4v5 says that the devil took Jesus up to a high place and showed him all the kingdoms of the world in an instant. So what is Jesus excuse for not telling anyone about this amazing discovery ? Did Jesus have his eyes closed in prayer at that point ? Or because he was afraid of heights. Or maybe Jesus was so hungry that he couldn't concentrate after being out in the desert for 40 days without food. Well Luke 4v3 says the devil recommended that Jesus turn some stones into bread, so if he had done then maybe he would have been able to concentrate and pass the test instead of being afraid to sit it as Luke 4v12 says, " do not put god to the test "  Why, because he will fail ? Why did Jesus not carve a map of the world onto a beam of wood ? A skillful craftsman might have been able to carve a globe of the World. Are parts of the gospel stories just made up like fairy tales ?

Also Acts chapter 1 has a story about Jesus flying up into the sky. If Jesus could do this then why did he not fly over to the Americas and Australia to tell them the good news before heading off into the milky way, or where ever he thought he was going when he ascended. At least when he got quite high up he might have noticed that the Earth was not in fact flat like everyone thought but actually a sphere. If he had been going slowly enough then the New World might have rotated under neath him. Why did Jesus not fly back down to tell his disciples about his discovery ?

It is interesting that Joseph Smith appears to have noted this idea  in 1825 and in his Book of Mormon invented the story that Jesus had in fact flown over to the Americas and told the lost tribe of Israel about his New Testament ideas. However history shows that when the Europeans discovered the native American Indians they had no knowledge of the Bible stories. Well Joseph Smith covers up this difficulty by saying that Jesus visit was forgotten by the Indians. David Fitzgerald in his book, " The complete heretics guide to western religion, The Mormons "  explains how the Book of Mormon came to be written.

It worth noting that religious scriptures never manage to tell the world of new discoveries but only manage to include information that was at large in society. If you look at the Koran which was written about 700 AD you will not find any reference to the New World or Australia.

Parody on the song , " Why ? " by Michael Card

Why did you have to refuse the myrrh that would have reduced the pain ( Mk 15v23 )

Why did you have to reject the myrrh wise men brought you as a baby king (Mt 2v11)

Why didn't you turn the vinegar into fine wine, loaded with gall / morphine

For God not to give analgesics to you seems to me to be really quite obscene

Why didn't Mary, your mother, bring you, your present of myrrh  to the cross ?

If you'd prayed for a miraculous anaethesia would it really have been any loss ?

Why didn't God stun you with a  lightning bolt to shorten your pain ?

 God's failure to administer palliative care seems to me partly insane

Why did Matthew 27 verse 34 change the myrrh of Mark into gall ?

Was it an attempt to fit with Psalm 69 verse 21, does that even work at all ?

Psalm 69 verse 20 says David never had any comforters

But Mark 15 verse 23 has Jesus turn the comforters away
Has Jesus really come into the world to steal every heart away ?

Too many cooks spoil the broth. Mark Vs Matthew infight

                               So why did Jesus' heavenly father not offer him palliative care ?

                               Mark 15v23 says, " Then they offered Jesus wine mixed with myrrh, but he did not take it."

There are claims that myrrh was a type on analgesic given for pain relief. So then why did Jesus turn down the offer of pain relief ? I think it is healthy to try to care for oneself. Some commentators such as Bible-history Fausset's  Bible dictionary claim that Jesus wanted to face the full suffering of the cross. Yet Matt 2v11 has the Magi bring Jesus a present of myrrh. Which could be read as a recommendation that he take pain relief.

Is this a case of too many cooks spoil the broth ? The authors  Matthews tale of the Magi bringing myrrh have forgotten or not known that Mark had Jesus refuse the myrrh. Also the author of Matt 27v34 has switched the pain relief herb in the wine vinegar to gall - still refused.

 Fausset's Bible dictionary also points out that Matthew maybe has put that the wine contained Gall so that it would fit with Psalm 69v21. However Psalm 69v20 says, " I looked for sympathy, but there was none, for comforters, but I found none. v21 They put gall in my food ( as if that was an act of enmity ) and gave me vinegar for my thirst. " However it could be read that the person in the gospels offering Jesus the wine with myrrh/ gall were trying to comfort & sympathize with him -  this undermines the attempt to make Psalm 69 into a prophecy.

Why did Mary the mother of Jesus not bring the myrrh to relieve Jesus pain ? What happend to the myrrh the wise men brought ? Did Jesus sell the myrrh to raise money so he could buy chisels, saws and hammers ? Pity he didn't have the foresight to keep some for when he was on the cross.

So why did Jesus' heavenly father not offer Jesus palliative care ?

 Why did Jesus not think to pray for the wine vinegar to be changed into fine wine loaded with morphine. Why did Jesus not pray for miraculous pain relief ? The hymn, " There is a green hill far away " has 7th& 8th line, " It was for us he hung and suffered there " yet it was entirely his own choice to have the pain because if he was the son of God he should have been able to heal himself ( as Matthew 27v41 has the priests cry ) and die with very little pain.

Matthew26v39 has Jesus say, " may this cup be taken from me, yet not as my will be done but as you will "

Matthew 26v42 has Jesus say, " if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done "

And yet it would seem more likely that it was the will of the heavenly father that Jesus should take pain relief since he supposedly had events conspire to bring the wise men with myrrh at Jesus birth.

Matthew 27v46 has Jesus cry, " My god why have you forsaken me " Which could be read,  " Why have I been left in such pain " yet again it was Jesus own failure to accept the help offered. But then why didn't God shout down from the sky," Drink the medicine. It is for your own good "

Could the gospels have been something like :

Crowd: " Jesus, here is some myrrh & gall to lessen your pain

Jesus: No, I've read in the newspaper that those drugs can be addictive

Crowd: Jesus you are likely to die in the next day or two so that doesn't matter

Jesus: Oh, I never thought of it like that, well now that you say, it does seem more sensible to drink it really

Why does the Bible offer so little in the way of useful advice on the subject of medicine from herbs to provide pain relief ? Proverbs 31, " Give beer to those who are perishing, wine to those who are in anguish, let them drink to forget their poverty and remember their misery no more "  ( So that is where that daft idea of drinking to forget comes from. Would have thought spending money on alcohol is  likely to make a person poorer )

Why did Jesus heavenly Father not offer him palliative care ?

If there was a real cosmic God then why didn't it think of miraculously creating Holstein Friesian cows with their black and white pattern forming a map of the world ? Maybe because Bible God's imagination is mighty limited when it comes to thinking outside the box ? Such a map of the world, if provided 2000 years ago, would have enabled the Old World to discover the New World much sooner and let them enjoy the crops of the New World.

Maybe then Jesus would have been made to say, " Man shall not live on bread alone - he needs potato crisps, tomatoes & chocolate, so get thy ass over there double quick, to go without chocolate is kinda thick "

Then we would not have been able to write a parody on John 3v16; " For god so loved the Old World that he deprived them of chocolate for most of recorded history except for the last 500 years "

Also when it comes to a lack of imagination, how is it that the author of Matthew 27v48   didn't think to make Jesus say a quick prayer to turn the wine vinegar he was offered on the cross into fine wine, or maybe Jack Daniel's would have been more effective ? Also how come Jesus didn't  saturate the wine with morphine ? Or why not have Jesus say a quick prayer for himself to miraculously remove all the pain? Why didn't the heavenly father think of administering palliative care ? So in fact that grief was entirely avoidable. Is God his own worst enemy ? Self inflicted grief ?

Matt 27v34 " They offered Jesus wine to drink, mixed with gall; but after tasting it, he refused to drink it "  If the Gall mentioned in the Bible is supposed to derive from opium. So why didn't Jesus do the caring thing and drink the gall that was intended to give him pain relief ? Did the onlookers shout, " Jesus why don't you drink the gall, it will relieve the pain " and Jesus shouted, " I've read in the newspapers that it can be addictive " to which the crowd replied , " But Jesus you are likely to die soon anyway " then Jesus responds, " Oh I never thought of that, thanks guys "
Bible History website www.bible-history.com/faussets/G/Gall/  makes the claim that Jesus was determined to experience the full force of the pain - that is why he refused the Gall. It also mentions that Mark 15v23 says the wine was mixed with myrrh. What good would myrrh have been to Jesus? Faussets claims that myrrh could also offer pain relief.  Well that takes the biscuit. The wise men brought Jesus Myrrh at his birth and yet Jesus refuses to take any on the cross ? ! That is just as bad as being starving in the wilderness but refusing to take the devils good advice of making some bread out of stones. Faussets also points out that Matthew maybe has put that the wine contained Gall so that it would fit with Psalm 69v21. However Psalm 69v20 says, " I looked for sympathy, but there was none, for comforters, but I found none. v21 They put gall in my food ( as if that was an act of enmity ) and gave me vinegar for my thirst. " However it could be read that the person in the gospels offering Jesus the wine with myrrh/ gall were trying to comfort & sympathize with him - this undermines the attempt to make Psalm 69 into a prophecy.

[Too many cooks spoil the broth: The authors of Matthew 27v34 have added a tale of the wise men bringing Jesus Myrrh as a present but have forgotten that the author of Mark 15v23 have made Jesus refuse the wine with myrrh added.

Would you agree that the chief priests, teachers of the law and elders were correct when in Matt 27v41 they mocked, " he saved others but he can't save himself " or Luke 23v35 " He saved others, let him save himself " ? Maybe they should have been clearer by shouting, " Give yourself Anaesthetics & analgesics ?" or " You should have read ' Why evolution is true " by Jerry Coyne.  Or the crowd could have said, " Jesus didn't you realize the Bible stories are just folklore, queer stories, fairy tales for our amusement, You didn't  think there were all literal fact did you ? You need to look into the future & read " The reason driven life " by Robert M. Price.

Matthew 27v46 has Jesus cry out from the cross, " My God why have you forsaken me ? " Maybe it should have been, " My God why didn't you numb the pain ? Seems dumb that you didn't ! "
Why didn't Jesus ask, " Is there really a God or have I been mistaken about that ? What is going on here, something seems not quite right, something not adding up, has the information I have been given in error ? Have I been deluded about the supernatural world, what if there is none ? "

Quite an interesting article on Wikipedia about shortages of Morphine in some countries - could be solved by allowing Afghan farmers to provide poppy seeds. Probably some cons with that idea ( I have no idea if the article is correct )

Global shortages :
Morphine and other poppy-based medicines have been identified by the World Health Organization as essential in the treatment of severe pain. However, only six countries use 77% of the world's morphine supplies, leaving many emerging countries lacking in pain relief medication.[73] The current system of supply of raw poppy materials to make poppy-based medicines is regulated by the International Narcotics Control Board under the provision of the 1961 Single Convention on Narcotic Drugs. The amount of raw poppy materials that each country can demand annually based on these provisions must correspond to an estimate of the country's needs taken from the national consumption within the preceding two years. In many countries, underprescription of morphine is rampant because of the high prices and the lack of training in the prescription of poppy-based drugs. The World Health Organization is now working with administrations from various countries to train healthworkers and to develop national regulations regarding drug prescription to facilitate a greater prescription of poppy-based medicines.[74]
Another idea to increase morphine availability is proposed by the Senlis Council, who suggest, through their proposal for Afghan Morphine, that Afghanistan could provide cheap pain relief solutions to emerging countries as part of a second-tier system of supply that would complement the current INCB regulated system by maintaining the balance and closed system that it establishes while providing finished product morphine to those suffering from severe pain and unable to access poppy-based drugs under the current system.