Jesus goes to drink at a rather attractive woman's well

John 4v16 : Jesus goes to drink at a rather attractive woman's well 
Jesus told her, " Go call your husband "
" I have no husband " she replied, " What about you, do you have a girl friend ? "
" No " Jesus replied, " For it was not yet my time to come again "
Delilah, for that was the name the woman was known by, replied slightly tauntingly, " You are still a virgin aren't you ?"
Jesus , " Yes, what you have said is quite true, but if you knew how desperate I am to drink at your well, you would ask me and I would satisfy your thirst, for a have a well that can spring up to give new life "
Delilah, " Well I have a jar of olive oil with which to anoint your feet "
Jesus, " Behold I stand at your door and am ready to knock, I long to place my finger in the latch opening and enter "
Delilah, " My lord and my god "
Jesus, " Then let us go up to the mountain orchards to worship, I hope to see the twin fawns of a gazelle there "
Delilah, " Yes come into my garden and taste it's choice fruits "
Then they were taken up into cloud 9 and transfigured

Ships log, star date unknown

MYTH 6 : JESUS WOULD KEEP A RELIABLE ' LAMB'S BOOK OF LIFE ' [ Rev 3v5 & Rev 20v12 ]

Actually going by the track record of the Bible as evidence, Jesus record keeping abilities would be at best shambolic.

There is no evidence that Jesus could do any more than scribble in the sand. No one claimed it. Bit odd that someone who was later claimed as the Word of God should be so disinterested in written records.

Would have expected the Bible to be meticulous from a 'perfect one'

In fact with this in mind I find the Bible has become strangely comforting - its comforting to know that I'm not the only one who keeps such an incomplete, jumbled record of my life history, people I've met, major events etc. In this respect I am on a par with God.

My guess is that Jesus won't know who is who from his lamb's book of life. He maybe started out with good intentions, maybe got as far as writing the heading & drawing up a few categories but probably petered out soon after that. Well who knows, maybe like your car log book or work safety records, he maybe got to the end of the year and tried to manufacture a whole lot of entries to make it look like he had tried. So don't be offended if you get there after spending your life cleaning the church & fixing its garden & handing out leaflets and then find he tells you your name isn't found in his book of life and since he can't tell you from Adam it's down the chute you go. Maybe you could quip that you are a son of adam or son of man, might be a winner ?

PS Is it only Revelation that has the idea of a lamb's book of life ? It may be a development from Malachai 3v16 ?

Myth 7 : Jesus never changes

You know how it is when you write some opinions down and then when you read them again after a decade you just find them embarrassing? People travel through the debates. So I expect that if Jesus was to return & read the Bible it would be like, " Oh my God, did I ever write that nonsense? Ho ho ha, hope no one took that seriously, after all it is for everyone to make their own mind up about stuff, in any case I don't remember writing much so maybe someone else has been forging in my name ? "

Maybe on Jesus return he will get his time dial twisted and end up meeting his former self going backwards on the shores of Lake Tiberias . Then there will be an almighty humdinger of a quarrel about what is truth and which way is life, one will say left and the other right, one will appeal to the Holy spirit and the other to the Father , so it will be a draw, then they will have to pull a wild card - Satan - to try to decide, and it will be like, " Get thee behind me Satan ", " No Get thee behind me Satan " , " No me ", " No my turn " in an unending Armaggedon wrestle of ad hominem and threats of hell fire..

Admittedly this idea is a bit far fetched. If you could go back in time you would be more likely to discover a whole sequence of anonymous priests inventing Jesus stories. Maybe one of the playwrights suffered writers block on the wandering Jewish preacher man series and decided just have him killed off, but then a later playwright decided he could do more with it so wrote him coming back again ? As it happens I was at a garage sale the other day and scooped some Jesus gospels that look like the genuine article. He departed on his return trip at the appointed time as promised, its just that he has landed on Earth in 3013 and is stuck there wondering how to get back a millennium. There are no intelligent humans around cause they were out voted by the pessimists who turned their back on nuclear power & so everyone died out.

Finally, if you remember a while back there was a rumour going around that if you played Iron Maiden 1983 record 'Piece of mind' backwards then you would hear a sinister message ? Well the Bible according to orthodox christianity interpretation is in fact the backwards playing of the record - you are hearing the sinister message. If you played the Bible the correct direction you would hear, " There probably is no supernatural realm or cosmic gods, when you are dead it is the end, the stories in the Bible are mostly fiction with a few grains of reality "

Maybe once you have stared at the prospect of an eternal hell then the more likely reality of oblivion becomes strangely comforting too ? Break off your mental chains: Read the whole history of the debates

Iron Maiden , " Still Life " [ Piece of mind track 6 ] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v...

Pathetic Prophecy

2 Peter 1v20 " no prophecy of Scripture came about by the prophet's own interpretation " 
Is this an admission that the N.T. writers twisted the O.T. passages to make them sound like prophecy ? Maybe the folk who wrote the O.T. would have rejected most of the N.T. claims about Jesus & co. They would be like, " What are you talking about, it never occurred to us even that there was a hell or that we would need saved from it by someone being murdered "

Again 2 Peter 2v4 in original Greek uses ' Tartarus ' which was a dungeon in the mythical Hades.
The author of 2 Peter 2v5 seems to assume that Noah's flood was a real factual flood but there is no evidence of such a flood in the last 6000 years, but maybe it was just a little local flood ( in the authors mind perhaps ? )

How come Jesus never prophesied about finding all the fossil fuel & an industrial revolution ? How come no N.T. writer prophesied about the population explosion and eventual crash when the fossil fuel & uranium & phosphates were used up ? Is that because humans are going to get nuclear fusion working and recycle all the sewage ? How come Jesus never prophesied that the fossil fuels would cause run away global warming melting all the ice and flooding the world ? Is that because run away global warming is going to be frozen in it's tracks by a new ice age ?
2 Peter 3v9 Patience is sometimes a virtue but Jesus better get his skates on and return before humanity perishes either by lack of fuel, global warming, global freezing or WWIII nuclear winter, or major asteroid strike or GM virus pandemic, whatever.

By God. I've just noticed global warming is prophesied in 2 Peter 3v12, " The elements will melt in the heat " Maybe in the next version of the Bible we could just change " elements" to " ice " cause I am just so sure that is what they really meant, in fact I feel I have the Spirit on this matter.

Proverbs 21v9 Better to be out in the desert than with a nagging wife - not if she is living in your house. Actually it would be better to find a way of reasoning with your wife so that she doesn't nag in a destructive way. Sometimes that nagging could work to positive effect. For instance just say Job's wife in Job 2v9 had said to him, " I don't know what that narrator over in the corner is writing about, seems like a nonsensical interpretation of events to me, Isn't it just more likely that there is no supernatural realm or gods, these natural disasters seem just random, however I always did say you should have got a professional in to build our house. "

Jesus RIP

I'm thinking of wearing a necklace ( chain ) with a coffin pendant, on the lid it will say, " Jesus is dead, RIP "
People can take the RIP as meaning Religious Invented Propaganda or alternatively
Risen Into Paradise or Rotting in purgatory 
or perhaps Really Insidious Paradigm 
Where Paradigm means Para dig m - you can't really dig him up cause he never really existed except in fiction ?

" Give us this day our daily bread / helpful thoughts "

Maybe this is a proto idea on the lines of, " I hope I'll be able to think of the thoughts & things to say which will give me success in relationships / business "

How many marriages could have been happier and longer lasting if only the winning words were said ? Like Cher sang, " I would take back those words which have hurt you and you'd stay "

I think Richard Dawkins & John Loftus & co. speak a much more healthy " daily bread " than the Bible's ergot ridden offerings. 1 Thess 5v21 suggests- " test everything, hold on to what is good. " So WIBA & Outsider test of faith does this and finds that the bible stories are probably mostly fiction and the thinking behind the stories is often warped. James 1v23 is sort of like advising against looking in the mirror but not doing anything to fix their appearance. -- So the sensible response to many of the Bible stories is that they need amended. This is what the authors of the Bible needed to do - ( psalm 139v 23-24 ) search and try their ideas and conclude that they were seriously flawed, edit, revise. Or maybe it's that the majority of authors who contributed nonsense to the Bible should have paid more attention to the few that wrote some semblance of sense. It would have been funny if at least one of the psalms have been like, " You know what, I wonder if there is a cosmic God anyhow, cause it just seems like this world carries on sort of random. Maybe life on Earth happened purely by material causes ? Who made God if there is one, maybe I should read those books by Socrates & Epicurus "

Why didn't they make Jesus say, " There are no answers in this book "

In The Simpsons Movie Homer spoke " Daily Bread "; ' This book doesn't have any answers ' : Grampa simpson has a revealing moment in church http://www.youtube.com/watch?v...

So you're in church praying, " Deliver us from evil "
Then you leave the church and walk down the street, you pass a bookstore and there in the window is a copy of, " The End of Christianity ". You feel mysteriously drawn to go in and read the book. After a couple of chapters you see the light and declare " Hallelujah, there is no god, I'm saved from religious oligarchy "

Fairly obvious that the origin of " lead us not into temptation " is cause an extremely attractive woman has just sat down in the pew in front of you.
Or on the other hand it could be the feeling you get when listening to a sermon and you are extremely tempted to ask the minister to sit down & play the Americas cup on the screen instead.

Quite odd that the Bible doesn't have Jesus being asked about other famous writings or about who exactly wrote stuff in the O.T.

Parody on " Jesus hands were kind hands "

PARODY ON " JESUS HANDS WERE KIND HANDS "

PipeOrganHymnsG0OJF channel on Youtube

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v...

Jesus hands were kind hands to the chosen few
But sadly the majority were left in the pot to stew
But it's probably mostly fiction
Sort of like a fairy tale
But one on which the lid seems strangely hard to nail

Was Jesus any better
than Hitler, I can not tell
Would save a few to heaven
let the rest deep fry in hell
this does not seem friendly if you think yourself offside
Robert Price compares it to a case of Jekyll and Hyde

But as you slam the flaming creaking door on him
Make sure you don't end up living like a hypocritical twin
Try to think specific to the point in hand
If you exaggerate too much your castle will turn to sand

[ See " The reason driven life " by Robert M. Price ]

Yes Prime Minister goes on " Who wants to be a millionaire "

Yes Prime Minister goes on " Who wants to be a millionaire " :

 Chris Tyrant, " And so to the 12th hour final question ". Answer this correctly and you'll go away  tonight  keeping the lights on in United Kingdom, keep U.K economy solvent, attracting industry & creating employment. So what power generation mix will you opt for U.K.
 A. Stick with tried & proven, reliable low cost technology like coal & gas.
 B Go for highest cost, lowest reliability , guaranteed intermittent wind & solar
C. Increase  Nuclear power to 40% + gas & coal  
D. Go back to subsistence farming "
                                                                    
 PM Fishy Electrics, " Hmmm really tricky one there, it seems so easy at home but under the spotlight, pressure on, don't want to blow a fuse. Can I use a life line ?"
 Chris Tyrant, " You still have phone a friend "
 PM Fishy Lextricks, " I'd like to phone a F.O.E , spanner in your spokes, person "
 brrring brrring brrring brrring me some more ' donation ' money
" Hello Slippery InSidious speaking ",
 PM Fishy alextricks, " Hello it's Scelectricks speaking, I'm on the Chris Tryant, " Who wants to remain a millionaire country " show. I want to ask your help with this question. What power generation mix should UK choose,
   A. Stick with tried & proven, reliable low cost technology like coal & gas power stations.
   B. Go for highest cost, lowest reliability , guaranteed intermittent wind & solar
 C. Increase  Nuclear power to 40% + gas & coal  
 D. Go back to subsistence farming "
 Slippery InSidious , " Tricky , difficult question but don't go for any that put out nasty smokey fumes from chimneys, cause my mates say that is really hazardous, toxic or irritant , they all think we should try alternatives but i never got round to asking them why "
Chris Tyrant, " Well I'm sorry I must hurry you. Now no pressure, just remember that U.K has had a dependable electricity supply for the last 50 years but according to  Al Ignore we now face a clear and present danger from catastrophic run away AGW- the most pressing threat to life on earth ever known, even greater than the asteroid 65 million years ago that wiped out the dinosaurs or any of the volcanoes, plate tectonics or ice ages or warmer periods that life on Earth has survived these past 3.5 billion years.
 PM Scalextricks, " Hmmm tricky, don't know how to decide.   FOE tells me to avoid smokey things  so better not go for AC since you always see the billowing smoke coming out of the cooling towers at nuclear, gas & coal power stations [ Even though Ian Fells tells me that is just water vapor but I don't believe him cause he is not ratified by IPCC ]  Now, my wife works for a wind turbine company and  it might  get me out of the dog house with her if I gave her some more business, could bring some more dosh into the house too, always handy for paying the ever rising cost of electricity & gas. Should i choose national interests over self interest for a change? Oh B, final answer; wind & solar "
Chris Tyrant, " Final answer ?"
Scalextricks , " Final answer "
Chris Tyrant," You had 50 years of dependable, cheap electricity, I wanted to give you this cheque for 50 years more but I'm sorry the best answers were AC, you've lost it all, black outs for you "

Poem " Don't trust the greens ".

Michael Rosen spoke about poetry on Radio 2 Ryan Turbridy show 31 August 2013 ( 11am) 

He read out his poem about the rickety bridge: " Don't trust rust "

So here is my poem it inspired : 

Don't trust the greens, 

they'd sell your cow for three beans

And when the beanstalk fails to reach the sky

they'll just spin another alibi

when they fail to produce the goods from the energy in the sky

they might not even manage to work out why

but in fact black is good

coal is just another form of wood

coal miners help recycle carbon

the daily bread for which plants say amen

Yes, CO2 is good for you , if you happen to be a plant

All this talk of remissions for emissions is a load of Kant

Mining & drilling could keep us in the black

but SNP will have us seeing red 

when the wind goes slack

Climate has always been changing & it always will

I doubt that Cameron will stop it with yet another windmill

Oh Yes carbon dioxide is good for you, if you eat plants

We need to courter act the eco pessimistic rants


{ However I think it is helpful to look at all the pros and cons and to take the best out of each world

view. It is important to care  for the world but that require a sense of perspective, balance, context &

 looking at all the details rather than making generalized assumptions }